Chapter Six:
GROUP THERAPY

Groups can be a mixed blessing. Malcolm and I have learned a lot since our first faltering attempt to communicate with other players. As it turned out, the couple who put a 'Discussion Group' ad in FORUM magazine were really looking for additional sex partners and shared experiences, rather than discussion ... and Malcolm and I weren't ready for that. Apart from us, three other couples and eighteen singles replied to their first ad so it showed just how many people were in the same boat as us. I don't think now's the time to get into generalizations about the dynamics of Group Interaction ... No I'm sure it isn't. Maybe it's something to do with being British. Anyway, a few of us did meet two or three times in private houses from Streatham to Dorking.

One direct good result was that we got to see a copy of a newsletter from EULENSPIEGEL, a well established SM group in New York . And, well, one things leads to another as Ethel would say. (I really should tell you about my younger sister sometime. She's the queen of the platitude and lives a totally uneventful life in Sutton). Anyway, as our personal development into depravity is what I expect you want to hear about I'll skip over the fumblings of our first face to face Group Encounters in South West London and get on with our expansion into the international network of newsletters put out by different SM groups in different countries and the personal contacts which can build up from there.

We'd found the door we were looking for at that time. Our previous letter writing experience gave us the confidence to say things in print we perhaps weren't yet capable of saying in public. Very British! But the immediate response we got from our tentative letter to the Secretary of EULENSPIEGEL was friendly, generous and genuine. 'Goldie' welcomed us and also immediately sent us a copy of THE RIGID BONDAGE ROSTER (now sadly defunct) which was filled with useful Contact addresses for other clubs and groups around the world. There were also “Personals” of hair-raising explicitness (if there's such a word!). Importing such publications was illegal in Britain even at that time (1978/9), but it was before the recent vicious clamp down made even having a copy of such a magazine in your private home a criminal offence.

At that time Malc first got his Personal Computer because it was necessary for his new business and he got ever so good at Word Processing ... and over a period of about five years that modest little office Word Processor found itself becoming the centre of an international information exchange of private opinions about all aspects of kinky sex! It built up gradually, but people we wrote to were mostly so friendly “It just grow'd” as Little Topsy said (a literary reference!). It also proved how isolated so many people like us were. Not just geographically but isolated from their neighbours, family and social friends ... and forced to lead double lives.

Anyway, we found we could store letters we wrote and send chunks of information and opinions on any specific topic whenever that subject cropped up again in a letter somebody else wrote to us. I suppose even that is technically illegal ... publishing obscene material ... and sending it through the Royal Mail (Now there's an obsolete and cranky Victorian hangover. 'Obscenity' like corruption and perversion are used like blunt instruments by people who's understanding is as limited as their Christian tolerance. Whoops! I digress again).

So, by the start of The Eighties our circle of PPPs (Perverted Pen Pals) had already spread and we were in regular contact with like-minded souls as far afield as San Francisco , Oslo and outback Australia . Apart from informative intellectually stimulating and psychologically sound exchanges on all aspects of SM and Bondage ... there were offers to “Visit if you're in the area” from all over the world. Not invitations to orgies, you understand ... just nice, friendly sociable people who were longing to have more communication with people who shared similar interests and weren't screwed up about it.

Well, because the kids were lively young teenagers and Malc's business actually did take up a lot of not only his time but mine, we not only didn't have much time to ourselves, we wanted to give our kids the best. For our annual family holiday in 1980 the kids opted for New York . We invited my Mum to join us and it was the first time for all of us ... and as it turned out a wonderful time was had by all.

END CHAPTER 6

To next CHAPTER (7 HANDS ACROSS THE SEA)

Return to LIST of chapters