Chapter
Two :
A hobby with a difference.
(Much
of this biographical material is used elsewhere on this site )
Houdini was my
hero when I was a kid. Games of Cops & Robbers, Cowboys &
Indians and war games were incomplete without some tying up. Win or
lose, the chas e, capture and shifts of power were the name of the
game for me. I didn't grow out of it.
When other young
teenagers were battling it out on sports fields I preferred practising
my skills as an amateur Escape Artist. The combination of challenge,
physical endurance and exhilaration when emerging triumphant was stimulating.
My frustration when failing soon turned to determination to crack
the problem next time around ... and was equally stimulating. All
healthy exercise for a growing boy.
In family life
the game of staying-on-top was more psychological than physical, but
it was still control and counter-control. Negotiations were more on
an emotional level, but internal power struggles still ruled the day
between three brothers and parents who didn't always see eye-to-eye.
In the grown-up
world of career and business, Power manoeuvring is the norm, so
we're told; control or be controlled. The point scoring can be obvious
or subtle. I chose a career which gave me automatic authority. That
wasn't a conscious choice but, in retrospect, I see what attracted
me to it. Perhaps I sometimes abused my position of authority. Occasionally,
to my embarrassment I'd realise after the event, that I had subconsciously
chosen to lose a battle. Confusing!
During this early
adulthood my active interest in Houdini-type exploits continued, although
I felt I should be growing out of it. Together with a group of like-mined
odd-ball friends, regular sessions of escaping and trying to prevent
escape by others were long and very competitive; more strenuous than
any gym work-out ... and much more fun. The sweat and struggle, the
win-some / lose-some interaction retained its appeal.
The word Kinky
began to crop up, and therefore more socially acceptable ways of getting
the same Kicks were explored. A couple of years in the Air Force
brought welcome opportunities. In training and in barrack-room horseplay
my practised skills were occasionally useful. To carry such interests
over into sexual experimentation was strictly taboo because kinky
was disastrous to any reputation (maybe not so much so today?) In
the Fifties the slightest hint of unconventional sex-play would inevitably
result in powder-room gossip among the girls, which would then travel
like a forest fire through the main community.
Becoming a publicly
recognised expert on Houdini was a convenient let-out. Getting a few
magazine articles published excused my continuing active experiments
plus a growing collection of handcuffs and stuff. Because my interests
also spread to Police & Prison History this opened up even more
socially acceptable avenues. Practising unarmed combat and joining
in mountaineering activities (including becoming a member of a Mountain
Rescue Team for a while) provided stimulating opportunities:- lashed
to a metal stretcher being lowered down a mountain side in the pouring
rain on training exercises you get time to think about what is Kinky
and what is pure masochism ... and if you enjoy it, you begin to wonder
where it might lead! But such weekend and vacation activities were
fulfilling ... a welcome alternative to my sedentary, decision-making
everyday life. Therapy takes many forms!
In my late twenties
I felt the need to justify to myself these 'unusual' preferences ...
but quickly realised that too much self-analysis can destroy instinctive
enjoyment. However, I did feel that a wider general knowledge of the
territory would give me a better perspective; allow me to experiment
more safely. If I was going to take risks they may as well be calculated
risks.
This process of
finding out more about different aspects of the still unfocussed buzz
I got from physical challenge and counter-challenge ... was a challenge
in itself. Sometimes it was very much a matter of trial and error.
Not always trusting my instincts took me on some confusing detours.
Occasionally I deliberately suppressed my interest for a while, suspicious
of where it might lead.
This taught me
two things which are relevant here: Repressing natural instincts doesn't
get rid of them; it's healthier to learn to recognise them for what
they really are, allowing you to channel them safely so they don't
complicate the rest of your life. Secondly, only by finding out about
all possible alternatives can you successfully choose what you most
enjoy. Gaining this knowledge allows selection and rejection of opportunities.
Finding out about potentially dangerous territory is a good precaution
... but, on the other hand, being too cautious may mean missing an
experience ... even if you suspect it might be one you will choose
not to repeat. My natural attraction to challenge occasionally took
me to the edge, but that in turn helped me to recognise my personal
limits.
Also, learning
to enjoy what I enjoy has allowed me to keep it in perspective. Unfulfilled
fantasies too easily turn into obsessions. As with any recreational
activity which demands time and energy, it can take over your life.
In perspective it can be given space as part of an otherwise balanced
day-to-day existence. As the wonderful SALLY BARRETT puts it in her
book WE LOVE S&M, My husband and I have been doing it for 25
years without disturbing the neighbours or corrupting our kids. (see
page 82 for details)
So here I am nearly
fifty years later. I still like to get tied up and try to escape.
I like to challenge other people to do the same. As my skills developed,
the exhilaration of a successful escape was confused by a disappointment
that I had succeeded. Games of control and counter-control demand
ingenuity and skill and often a degree of physical energy when a battle
of wills takes a physical form. These are essentially games of common
consent. Without mutual consent such games move into a different area
and are not what I'm discussing. Without consent, any form of physical
restraint becomes a criminal act. For the complicated double think
of consensual non-consent (when the right to opt out or set limits
is signed away) see details of the PHYSICAL RESTRAINT ENDURANCE PROJECT
in chapter 10.
That's enough
autobiographical stuff for now. What follows will probably reveal
more detail about my personal preferences. There is a danger that
by stressing my particular likes and dislikes a broader perspective
may be lost. The general intention of this book is to identify as
many different concepts and points of view as possible, leaving you
to decide for yourself what (if anything) pertains to you. Inevitably,
because of the wide range of personal preferences discussed, you may
not relate to (or even approve of) whole chunks of the action described.
Extracts from correspondence Awith people who have highly individual
points of view presents conflicting opinions which may sometimes confuse
you. It's a confusing, many sided subject.
END
CHAPTER TWO
CONTINUE
to chapter three
BACK
to contents of "So I Like To Get Tied-up ... So What!!?"